Gratitude

Being able to have all this "down time" has given me a lot of time to think. That can be good and bad. But today, it was good. I thought about the things I was sooo grateful for today. It is always good to make a gratitude list and when you do, it seems to get longer than you think it will.

1) The Nanny we hired. Her name is Libby and she so fantastic. Yesterday she shoveled the driveway with Grayson while I was stuck at the hospital. And today, after she took Gray to Karate, she built a snowman with him in the front yard. She is so great. It is going to be hard when she leaves.

2) I am so grateful (and who wouldn't be) for my house cleaners. They came today and my house looks and feels so good. Who knows what I would do without them right now. Can you picture me laying on the floor, scrubbing the floor?

3) My husband. David. He does pretty much everything for us right now. He is kind of my errand boy. He is always willing to do whatever I need and constantly asks me what I need. What a guy.

4) My kids, of course. They are being so good during this hard time. Sometimes, they get sick of me just laying here but most of the time they are happy to play in their rooms or entertain me. Just this morning, Grayson was laying in bed with me which he does every morning. He started sniffing me. I asked him "How do I smell?" He said "like this" and then proceeded to show me how to sniff someone. I couldn't stop laughing and tried to rephrase the question. I said "no, what do I smell like?" "Like Beautiful" he said. Such a charmer.

5) My pregnancy pillow. Best purchase ever and so glad I thought of it so early in pregnancy.

6) Our new mattress. I am so glad we decided to get one after all. After the expensive fridge repair, we had to downsize the mattress budget but we still found a great one and it has made such a difference.

7) A somewhat sunny day. We don't see the sun very much around here during the winter and it is such a gift when we do. I was able to catch this sunset from my bathroom window.

8) Dinners. I was very reluctant to receive any food from my ward, but I am so glad I finally excepted. They feed us 3 nights a week and it is relief to not have a peanut butter sandwich for every meal. Plus the dinners have been delicious. Most nights, we don't even have left overs.

9) Friends and family that have taken the time to stop by or pick up the phone to see how I am doing. It means so much just to know that people are thinking of me. Bed rest can be really isolating.

10) And finally, I so thankful for this little guy cooking in my belly. Although, I might feel miserable, I am grateful every little kick and every ultrasound that confirms that he is growing and looks perfect so far. 4 months ago, they only gave him a 50% chance of surviving and now if he were born today, he would most definitely be just fine. I am grateful for the blessings, prayers and submissions of our names to the temple that got us here.

After looking at this list, I am kind of the luckiest girl in the world and quite possibly spoiled.

Nesting

Baby #3 at 25 weeks

So I have been in the nesting stage for a couple of weeks. It started a little early this time because even though I think I will go full term, I feel the urge to be prepared just in case.

Luckily, I ordered the crib a couple of months ago and thanks to a visit from David's mom last month, we have a car seat, stroller, swing and a few other basics. Thank goodness. Due to my not so subtle hints, David got everything set up ready to go within the last two weeks. I honestly wish I could do that stuff myself. I hate asking people to do anything for me.

But I am still in a panic about diapers. How many do you need? How many of newborn size? And when do they grow into size 1, 2? I ordered a pack of 86 newborn size diapers and thought that was great start until David brought me to the realization that that will last us a week and a half.

I have just been stalking the internet for the best deal but is there a brand that has the best deals? Is there a better place to buy diapers? I need help and I am way out of practice.

Then there is formula. I think I will try to breast feed for a little while if it goes smoothly. Even when I did that with the other two kids, I still had to supplement. I know that I need to stock up when I find a good deal and I have found a few. But again, which brand is the best? Where is the best deal? Is generic better?

On to clothes. Up until Friday, I had 4 size 0-3 outfits. After sending the nanny to the gap for me (with a 40% coupon) I now have about 10 in that size. Is that enough? I am guessing not, but how long are they in that size? I also now have 6 onesies and I know that is not enough. How many do you need in 0-3?

I totally feel like a new mom and somedays I sit here and obsess about all the new things we need for a baby. I have to do my best not to get overwhelmed.

One thing we do have is a name. Finally. First, middle and last (of course). I am not ready to share with the world yet but I feel totally peace about what to put on his birth certificate.

So, any mommy advice? What do I need?

Rantings

I have a feeling I should probably change the name of this blog to "rantings and ravings of a crazy pregnant lady" for the next couple of months. Since I don't get out much and David is probably sick of listening to me and watching me cry for no reason, I will be doing a lot of journal blogging just to have someone to talk to.

I have been on some variation of limited something or something bed rest since September 30, 2010. I actually find this encouraging because it means that I have come a long way. Actually on thursday of this week, I will be 30 weeks which is kind of amazing given all the problems this time.

It was a year ago that we decided for sure we wanted just one more baby to add the family. I knew that I would have some problems with my pelvis but I really had no idea that I would also have problems with plancenta/uterine wall and cervix (which is completely effaced). Last year, pre-pregnancy, was a great physical year for me. I ran 3 races and was probably in the best shape of my life. I really thought I was on target for a healthy and active pregnancy. Boy was I wrong. I guess my body just really doesn't like being invaded no matter how well I try to take care of it.

So, I have been really frustrated. I feel like I am actually past the frustration of not being able to go to the gym but now I have new frustrations. Like not being able to take care of my kids, or not being able to finish a simple project on the floor without having to lay down. I get frustrated that I have watched everything on my dvr already and that I run out things to look at on the internet. But most of all, I get frustrated that I really can't leave my house. It does help that the weather is horrid but I would really love an outing to Target. Oh, how I miss Target.

One nice thing I did this week though was make a hair appointment. It felt so nice to get behind the wheel of my car and listen to the radio. It wasn't very nice to sit in a chair for 2+ hours but now I am blonder and that makes me a little more cheery. At least it looks like my hair has seen the sun since my eyes haven't seen it for weeks. Got to love that Utah winter inversion.

I joined a support group for moms on bed rest at babycenter.com which is good and bad. It is nice to know I am not alone (bed rest is super isolating) and that it is all for a good cause. Reading some of the posts on there can be really difficult because there are so many women with problems way worse than mine. My heart really goes out to them but it makes me too sad and then I end up crying in my bed for a while.

It is also really hard to watch my body get large and turn to jello. I worked really hard for the muscles I had and now they are a distant memory. It is kind of scary to watch my butt jiggle in the mirror as I walk across my bathroom after a shower. Will I ever get back to the shape I was before??

You will think I am crazy for doing this, but I found this picture of me and my sister in our swimsuits from Waterworld last summer. It was still sitting in my email waiting to be ordered which I had no intention of doing. But when I looked at it last week, it reminded me of what I used to look like.

Against my better judgment, I placed an order for it which included a photo calendar of just that picture. I did it for motivation after the baby is born and I have a clean bill of health. I don't know that I will want to stare at a picture of me all year long. I am just really hoping it will give me the push and encouragement I will need to keep at it. Cross your fingers it won't have the adverse effect on me and I end up gaining a hundred pounds because a tub of Ben and Jerry's is the only thing that gives me comfort.

Thanks for letting me rant and please don't feel like you have to read anything I write. It is more me to just have somewhere to get it out. And please don't worry about me being depressed, I am fine.

I am lucky to have two great kids that raise my spirits when I am feeling low. They are kind of amazing and they have really tried not to complain that I can't do anything. They mostly just take turns laying next to me. We read books, watch movies and play video games which is Gray's favorite thing to do. He told me that I am "the best" at angry birds. He could watch me play it for hours. Love those kids. And really, I can't wait to have another one.

Freshening it up

Since I am on total bed rest right now, I stare and stare at corners of my house and try to think of ways to make them look better. I came up with this idea last month that I finally applied today. Decorating with old paperbacks. A big thanks to my new nanny that went to the thrift store for me to collect enough books to make it look amazing. It adds just the right amount of color in the right places.

Oh, and my mom made the silhouette pillows for me for Christmas using pics of the kids. I really love them and I just kind of move them around the room depending on the day...

or angle of the picture.