I have been on some variation of limited something or something bed rest since September 30, 2010. I actually find this encouraging because it means that I have come a long way. Actually on thursday of this week, I will be 30 weeks which is kind of amazing given all the problems this time.
It was a year ago that we decided for sure we wanted just one more baby to add the family. I knew that I would have some problems with my pelvis but I really had no idea that I would also have problems with plancenta/uterine wall and cervix (which is completely effaced). Last year, pre-pregnancy, was a great physical year for me. I ran 3 races and was probably in the best shape of my life. I really thought I was on target for a healthy and active pregnancy. Boy was I wrong. I guess my body just really doesn't like being invaded no matter how well I try to take care of it.
So, I have been really frustrated. I feel like I am actually past the frustration of not being able to go to the gym but now I have new frustrations. Like not being able to take care of my kids, or not being able to finish a simple project on the floor without having to lay down. I get frustrated that I have watched everything on my dvr already and that I run out things to look at on the internet. But most of all, I get frustrated that I really can't leave my house. It does help that the weather is horrid but I would really love an outing to Target. Oh, how I miss Target.
One nice thing I did this week though was make a hair appointment. It felt so nice to get behind the wheel of my car and listen to the radio. It wasn't very nice to sit in a chair for 2+ hours but now I am blonder and that makes me a little more cheery. At least it looks like my hair has seen the sun since my eyes haven't seen it for weeks. Got to love that Utah winter inversion.
I joined a support group for moms on bed rest at babycenter.com which is good and bad. It is nice to know I am not alone (bed rest is super isolating) and that it is all for a good cause. Reading some of the posts on there can be really difficult because there are so many women with problems way worse than mine. My heart really goes out to them but it makes me too sad and then I end up crying in my bed for a while.
It is also really hard to watch my body get large and turn to jello. I worked really hard for the muscles I had and now they are a distant memory. It is kind of scary to watch my butt jiggle in the mirror as I walk across my bathroom after a shower. Will I ever get back to the shape I was before??
You will think I am crazy for doing this, but I found this picture of me and my sister in our swimsuits from Waterworld last summer. It was still sitting in my email waiting to be ordered which I had no intention of doing. But when I looked at it last week, it reminded me of what I used to look like.
Against my better judgment, I placed an order for it which included a photo calendar of just that picture. I did it for motivation after the baby is born and I have a clean bill of health. I don't know that I will want to stare at a picture of me all year long. I am just really hoping it will give me the push and encouragement I will need to keep at it. Cross your fingers it won't have the adverse effect on me and I end up gaining a hundred pounds because a tub of Ben and Jerry's is the only thing that gives me comfort.
Thanks for letting me rant and please don't feel like you have to read anything I write. It is more me to just have somewhere to get it out. And please don't worry about me being depressed, I am fine.
I am lucky to have two great kids that raise my spirits when I am feeling low. They are kind of amazing and they have really tried not to complain that I can't do anything. They mostly just take turns laying next to me. We read books, watch movies and play video games which is Gray's favorite thing to do. He told me that I am "the best" at angry birds. He could watch me play it for hours. Love those kids. And really, I can't wait to have another one.
4 comments:
I don't believe for a second that your tiny little tushy jiggles. You'll pop right back anyway. I printed a picture out of myself in a bikini for motivation after Macy. Unfortunatly that picture was when I was 16! I have a ton of girl jammies, onesies, ect, but I'm sure David wouldn't love his boy in pink and yellow butterflies. You are killing me about getting the best deal on everything. You have the most amazing new family room filled with Restoration Hardware and Pottery Barn, and you want to find the best deal to save a couple bucks on diaps!!!!!! You could always go cloth and save lots and be very "green."
Brooke! I know I am late in seeing this blog but my heart just goes out to you! First of all, I've had four kids, I gained 60 lbs 50 42 and 45 respectively and I did it. Muscle memory and healthy habits are stonger than short term weight. You'll be fine, don't focus on that yet, your taking care of that last little spirit and that's a huge accomplishment for your body right now. Be proud of that. There is plenty of time after.
You are an amazing mom as evidenced by what I read and see of your kids. Don't frett about having the right "stuff" for baby. I used less and less "stuff" as I went (plus less to get rid of). If I learned anything after 4 kids, it's YOU that makes a happy baby and family. If you end up needing something, have someone run and get it. Stay close to the Spirit. H.F. has a great interest in helping mothers. You will remember more than you know when baby gets here.
I know how independant you are but Heavenly Father has a way of teaching us things that we need to learn. If ever it's agood time to accept that help, and let yourself off the hook of some ideals it would be now. Trials often teach us true priorities. You are teaming with H.F. to bring this spirit here and that is the most worthy cause I can think of. I know I haven't seen you for years but I still have the love in my heart that is afforded by strong friendships. I know you will make it through this with the strength and finesse you've always possessed.
Love, Becca
Holy cow, I can't believe you did that with the swimsuit picture. You have more balls than I will ever have in my lifetime!!
Please tell me I am not the sister in this picture that you made a calendar of... And I like your new blog background.
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